Why Should I Cry For You?
by Lady Jadealiya
Summary: Heero comes face to face with his feelings only after Relena's death. Semi-song-fic inspired by Sting's song of the same title


Why Should I Cry For You?

By Jadealiya

(( Inspired by the song "Why Should I Cry For You" by Sting....yes, I know this technically follows into the 'songfic'category but considering that it isn't a very well known song and that the lyrics were used as an outline and kept in as an afterthought, I consider it more of a fanfic. If you aren't familiar with the song, however, I would highly recommend listening to it, esp. with Heero and Relena in mind.))

Under the dog star sail

The young man leaned back in his seat, staring out the window in front of him into the endless expanse of space. It seemed that was all he did these days. Sit and think and watch the stars without really seeing them.

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Over the reefs of moonshine

After all, that was all there was to do during these long trips. The young man was one of the few pilots talented enough to navigate the dangerous expanses of outer space that lay between the old colonies and the new outposts that supplied the factories with raw materials.

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Under the skies of fall

North, north west, the stones of Farve

He was also the only pilot willing to leave civilization behind for months at a time without demanding high pay and massive compensation. The men who owned the factories loved him, even if they did question his sanity...

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Under the Arctic fire

...especially when the man returned from one trip only to demand that he be sent out again as soon as his ship was refueled.But he saved them money, so who were they to question?

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Over the seas of silence

And so he sat. And watched the expanse of the universe around him, as numb to its beauty as he was to the beauty of the civilized world.

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Hauling on Frozen ropes

After all, he earned his keep and kept himself busy. He followed orders....he had a purpose.

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For all my days remaining

He had chosen the direction his life would go in. His path was clear before him and the Perfect Soldier would not falter upon it.

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But would north be true?

The screen above the window sudden flared to life. The gruff figure of the dispatcher Heero worked for appeared before him. "Yui, we have a slight change in plans. I need ya to take yer shipment to the Mars Colony. They're havin' a bit of a crisis over there and need that gundanium for repairs."

Heero frowned, glaring at the man on the screen. Mars? He had traditionally avoidedthe fledgling colony. He had traditionally avoided all of the majorly populated areas. And the Mars settlement, which Milliardo and Lucrezia Peacecraft currently ran, was the last of these centers of civilization he wanted to visit. The likelihood of running into people who knew him was too high. Besides, just thinking about the Peacecrafts brought unpleasant memories to the surface.

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All colours bleed to red

"Yui? You still there?"

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Asleep on the ocean's bed

"Yeah..."

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Drifting in empty seas

" 'Yeah,' yer still there or 'yeah' you'll do it?"

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For all my days remaining

"......yeah, I'll do it" After all, it was his job. The job he had chosen. The job that allowed him to avoid the trifling annoyances of things like human contact. His job. Mission accepted.

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But would north be true?

"Good man, Yui. I know ya don't like that Peacecraft fellow they got in charge there, but I knew I could count on you to save us in a tight spot! 'Sides, ya probably won't run into him. The news has been buzzing all day 'bout the death of the Foreign Minister, and she's his sister, right? He'll be at the funeral down on Earth, I'd reckon. Well, good luck to ya, Yui. Over and Out." 

The screen above him went dark, though Heero continued to stare at it, blankly. The death of the Foreign Minister....?

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Why should I?

Heero leaned over the console near his seat and, with a few quick keystrokes, called up one of the frequencies that carried television broadcasts. The screen above his head flared to life again, this time with a well dressed man wearing a three piece suit and a somber expression. "....preparing tight security due to the large amount of dignitaries who are expected to attend. Investigators are still unsure about the cause of the crash, but our sources indicate that it was probably a mechanical problem of some sort, and not a terrorist attack as was rumored earlier. Again, for those of you just tuning in, the bodies of Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlien, Ambassador Charles Whiting from the L4 colony, and House Member Leonard Faulner have all been recovered from the wreck of the passenger shuttle in the countryside near London. All 260 passengers are presumed dead though many are still...."

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Why should I cry for you?

The voice seemed to fade as the news sunk in. "Relena..."

Dark angels follow me

She couldn't be dead. She had always had so much to offer to those around her.

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Over a godless sea

How could she be dead....and he was still here?

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Mountains of endless falling,

Space seemed a little colder suddenly even as the air around him seemed to thicken...it was so hard to breathe.

How could she be gone? He had always been content to know that she was out there somewhere....safe....

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For all my days remaining,

Heero looked up at the screen. The news was showing a clip of her at a conference, a few days before the accident. Her. Alive. Vibrant. Bending the stiff necks of middle aged politicians towards her ideals. That was the only reality Heero could accept. She couldn't be dead.

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What would be true?

"Relena...." It really was getting hard to breath. There must be something wrong with the ship's air supply. The young pilot wanted to go check it out, put his hands and his mind to some practical use, but he found that his body refused to obey him. All he could think of, all he could see in his mind's eye was her.

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Sometimes I see your face,

Her. God, how much had she meant to him? How often had he thought of her over the long and desolate years? He has promised himself that he wouldn't let anyone ever get to him. It was too dangerous. For him....for the other person....for the mission.

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Stars seem to lose their place

The mission....there was no mission! There was no point! Especially now. His mission had always been to protect peace....to protect innocence....to protect her.

Now there was peace, innocence could flourish, and she was gone.

"Relena...."

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Why must I think of you?

He had last seen her at a conference shortly after the incident with Marimeia. Hidden by the curtains high over the stage, he had made his choice. He would put as much distance as possible between him and her. It would be better that way. She could rise unhampered by the darkness that surrounded him and he could forget.

And he had forgotten her, right?

God, why was it so hard to breath...?

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Why must I?

It felt like the void in his soul had widened. His hand, resting on the control consul, trembled slightly. 

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Why should I?

He looked at the screen again. Now they were showing her funeral, live coverage none the less. Noin, Zechs, and his fellow pilots all sat in places of honor, dressed in black, tears on most of their faces. Even as he watched, Heero's vision began to blur.

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"No!" he thought to himself as he firmly blinked away anything that remotely felt like tears. He would not lose control like this. 

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Why should I cry for you?

He didn't care. How could he? He had been taught not to. He had been taught and trained to concentrate on the mission and only on the mission. An individual was inconsequential; he had only to see humanity on the whole. She of all people would have understood that. She knew what he was and she knew her place in his life. He could still see her demanding that he kill her, demanding that he follow the path he had chosen for his life completely or not at all. She had understood him.....

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Why would you want me to?

...and she had loved him. Her eyes had been telling him that much since the day they had first met. As he recalled, Relena had never married. She had loved him, and only him...

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And what would it mean to say,

...and though it went against all logic and rebelled against everything he had turned himself into, he had loved her too.

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"I loved you in my fashion" ?

But she never knew that. She had died, alone, and he was now to live, alone, regardless of the fact that he loved her.

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What would be true?

And she had loved him.

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Why should I...

"Oh God...Relena..." Heero lowered his head, unable to keep himself from shaking...

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Why should I...

...and unable to keep from losing his precious self control to the sorrow that now streamed down his face.

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...cry...

Beyond the ship, the expanse of space loomed dark and desolate broken only by the quiet light of the stars....the only witnesses to the sobbing of a heartbroken soul who had never managed to see them.

*** All typical disclaimers apply ***


End file.
